“She laughs without fear of the future.” Proverbs 31:25b
There are many different directions I want to go with the above scripture, “She laughs without fear of her future”. I have decided to write a three part mini-series in which I will share my thoughts on how this scripture can apply to our lives, whatever season we find ourselves in!
This week I want to speak to those who may find themselves “single and ready to mingle”!
I think many can relate to a feeling of anxiety, or uncertainty, while finding themselves outside of a relationship in a world that finds fulfillment and peace in constant romance. A topic I often come across when talking with young women who are currently single, is the struggle to find peace in the season they are in. Especially when those around them seem to be in different places in life such as dating or marriage.
When I was single, I was riddled with anxiety and fear of who I was going to be with and when my time would come. Years later, and over two years in marriage, I look back at that time in my life and have only one regret: I regret worrying so much about who God had for me and His timing. Now I can see how much God’s hand was on my relationship with Akeem, my now husband, and how much I can sense God’s involvement in our paths crossing. One thing I loved about dating Akeem was that I found myself getting closer to God, all while pursuing a relationship with Akeem as well, rather than feeling like I was drifting from God in order to be in relationship with him. This was a very different experience from previous relationships that I made happen rather than allowing God to be the conductor. He added to my life, not completed it.
I realized how involved and concerned God really is in who we choose to live our lives with. He understands that the person we decide to spend the rest of our lives with will either catapult us into our destiny for the Kingdom, or hold us back. God created the covenant and relationship between a husband and wife to be the earthly representation of Christ and His Church. Why would God not be involved in the details of our dating relationships?! He actually had it all figured out. He was offering me a season of ‘laughing without fear of the future’ yet all I did was anxiously wait (and sometimes force) my future.
I believe a key to be able to approach singleness with an attitude of “laughter without fear” is to fully surrender this area to God as a result of your trust in Him. Gosh- I am more convinced day-by-day of the faithfulness of God. There is a peace and a confidence that comes out of an individual when they understand that their heavenly Father has them in the palm of His hand and cares for the details of their life, especially their future spouse.
You don’t need a long list of specifications for who that person should be like (guilty as charged). You don’t need to force a relationship to happen (also guilty as charged). And you definitely don’t need to put yourself out there looking for affirmation from men or people around you to feel validated as “dateable”. God has someone perfect for you that He will bring at the right time.
I understand that it’s not easy. However, going through my experience, getting on the other side, and having the privilege of marrying the man God had for me has given me a much bigger perspective than the perspective that most find themselves in during that season of singleness.
I find it helpful when I have practical ways to walk through a situation or season I find myself in. Self-talk is a big way to keep your mind renewed and align your heart with your words. When you feel that moment of panic or anxiety as you look around you in the natural, not seeing how God is going to make it all happen, remind yourself and speak out, “God, thank you that you see me and have someone perfect for me”. Something we have to really be protective over is how we allow the lack of pursuit to affect how we view ourselves. If you are not being pursued by a man it does not mean there is something wrong with you. It can simply mean that God has more for you while He has all of your attention! I put myself down to much because of a lack of pursuit in my life. Never let your value be determined by others!
There is a fine line of having high standards and having a “list”. We can go a bit crazy with a “list” when we break everything down to menial things such as hair color and the way that person dresses. Let’s be deeper than that and focus on the heart.
• Does this person love the Lord with ALL their heart and mind?
• Do they love the local church and believe in being an example for those around them?
• Do they love the things of God and keep those things non-negotiable in their life?
Focus on the characteristics that will matter LONG TERM!
Most of all embrace your current season! Fully enjoy yourself and your relationship with God, with friends, and enjoy life experiences. Keep life fun! Set goals or make a bucket list Keep yourself busy, so that you aren’t looking for someone to complete you. Your significant other should complement your life, not be your life. Lastly, choose to “laugh without fear of the future” – it is a choice that you can make! When you understand God has it all taken care of you can laugh knowing that it’s all taken care of!
Proverbs 16:20b “those who trust the Lord will be joyful”